In my dream he ages. Once a bright Ginger, now, silver and balding. For 37 years he has haunted my dreams, yet I do not know his name. I have asked. More than once..
I remember the first one; I was on my honeymoon at the time, and my new husband was not only the love of my life, but he looked nothing like the man who appeared in my head while I slept, in a tent, on a beach,in Maryland, in 1975.
In the dream, I was reclining on a chaise,on the beach, and there was a man relaxing next to me in a matching chaise. I looked over his way, and was somewhat surprised that I could not see his face. I knew it was there, I just could not make it out. As I woke, the feeling of his presence lingered, as well as the glints of red and gold in his long hair. ‘How odd’, I thought at the time, I have never been attracted to red-headed men, ‘What was that about?’
A few dreams later, standing on a pier near a rocky hill, he appeared in my subconcious-unconcious again; he was standing with his back to me, as I walked bare-foot towards him. As if aware of my unconcious-subconcious presence, he turned to face me. His eyes! I could see his eyes! They were dark blue,laughing triangles, as if he were amused at the reaction I would have upon seeing his face. He smiled and held out a hand to steady my path across the rocks. We stood looking out over the water in silence until the sun set, and I have no recollection of when I woke. The feeling of warmth and love lingered, troubling me.
This man was a Viking-sized Ginger, while my own husband was short,dark and dazzlingly handsome. I began to entertain thoughts of former lives, dual-conciousness’, etc, even madness…but he came in again and again, until there was no denying his existence. He aged, he changed………. he had long hair,short hair, beard,mustache—— yet his visits were always near the water, always the smell of green somewhere, always the feel of rock and sand beneath my feet.
I know him so well, yet not at all. I am looking for him. Should I find him,it will yank my breath from my ribs..